Daughter: UGH. I can't believe I watched that.

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Dad: I'm glad I did. I thought it was a fascinating new take on the well-worn Mad Max tropes with exquisite cinematography and the minimalist pacing and plotting of a Western reimagined for a nihilist age. Think The Proposition meets The Road.

Daughter: Dad, when you say "minimalist pacing and plotting," I think you actually mean nothing happened. Because nothing happened in this movie. After the first 15 minutes, I was on my phone the whole time.

Dad: Well, maybe the real problem here is the way you watch movies.

Daughter: So I'm not the most patient person in the world. I like to be entertained. But if you wrote down everything that actually happens in this movie, I think you'd see it goes in circles. Everything is just a meaningless tangent from the main plot of that old guy finding his car.

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A24

"Old?! Well, that's just, like, your opinion, man."

Dad: I'm going to forget you just said that about Guy Pearce.

Daughter: No, listen. First of all, the old guy's a jerk, not a sympathetic character. As soon as we see him [spoiler redacted], we're like, "Whatever, dude, go find your car, but you can rot in the desert for all I care."

Dad: He may be a jerk, but he's a consistent character, a hard man in a hard landscape. Didn't you think his backstory was revelatory?

Daughter: Honestly, I think I missed that. It was all mumbly, and by that time I just didn't care about anything. Anyway, my second point is, we already know what's gonna happen when Eric finds the thieves. The only mystery is why he loves his car so bad. And when we finally find out that [spoiler redacted], I mean, whatever. I was not impressed by this "twist."

Dad: I found the coda a bit lightweight, myself, but I think the point is that you never know what might motivate a person.

Daughter: Whatever. My favorite scene was the one where R-Patz is in the car listening to "Pretty Girl Rock" by Keri Hilson, because at least I could dance along.

Dad: Didn't you feel the pathos in that scene? Society has been reduced to a shambles, people eking out a meager existence in the desert, killing and selling one another to survive, and here's this song from another time when the biggest problem a first-world girl had was deciding which boy to date.

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Daughter: We have more problems than that, Dad. Sheesh. Anyway, I don't understand why Robert Pattinson was even in this movie. He had nothing to do except look sad. His character wasn't, like, the sharpest tool in the shed. And WTF was up with his accent? If this is Australia, why do he and his brother sound like they just climbed out of an American swamp?

Dad: I think the point is that Americans have fled to Australia. Or something. But listen, here's a conundrum for you. How can a girl who watched every single Twilight movie tell me that not enough happens in this one? Or that Pattinson is misused? It's not the world's most memorable performance, true, but I think we can agree that at least he isn't just standing around looking pale and constipated. His character exudes an inchoate, childlike longing that I found affecting.

Daughter: I'm not saying he deserved any Oscars for Twilight. But why do actors who want to show off their acting always put on bad teeth and a weird accent? It's not impressive, it's annoying.

Dad: I think we'll just have to disagree on the merits of The Rover and hope that you never have to deal with the aftermath of a "collapse" in your lifetime.

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Daughter: I can tell you one thing: If it happens, no way I'm immigrating to Australia. Not even if R-Patz is hanging out there. Because it looks dire.